“But the Lord said, “My grace is all you need. Only when you are weak can everything be done completely by my power.” So I will gladly boast about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can stay in me.” 2 Cor 12:9 ERV
I used to think that this verse is all about counting on God to help me and give me strength during moments when I’m down, when think I can’t go on, or when I feel extremely anxious and completely helpless.
Though that is true, today the Holy Spirit reminded me of a more personal application (or interpretation, if you want to call it that) of this verse in my life, in a matter which seems far more trivial than the dark moments mentioned above.
Case study: someone hurt me and although I have forgiven them, I still find it a struggle to really get over the feeling of disappointment and pain they caused me — partly because I still have to deal with the implication of their actions on a daily basis.
Now as a believer and follower of Christ, my first thought(s) was naturally: how immature of me! How petty! It shouldn’t have taken me this long to get over this no matter what. Don’t you remember the Word on forgiveness and love? Come on, I expect more of me, Miss I-even-work-at-a-church-office!
As silly as it sounds, this is a real ongoing daily battle in my (already very noisy and crowded) heart and mind. (Side note: for those who study/know about the enneagram, I’m a type 6 so you know how rowdy my mind is all day every day lol).
Yet surprisingly, when the moment comes where I have to meet them, talk to them and even assist them, I still choose to do it without any spiteful intentions towards them. Someone noticed this and remarked that it was good of me to be able to do that.
Now that caught me totally off guard.
What? No no. That ain’t me. Trust me. It’s not my “goodness” AT ALL! Do you know how hard it is to push myself to do all that? Like… it took so much extra effort to guard my heart and mind! Definitely ain’t me being good! Oh no.
“But you did it anyway.”
Insert dramatic pause while I contemplate for a sec.
Truth be told, I’m not a saint or a noble follower of Christ with a heart as big as the Grand Canyon (I am still struggling with being pissed, remember? Pardon the language) so how did that even happen? Who gave me the willingness and pushed me to do all those things?
That was when the Holy Spirit gently whispered, “Of course that wasn’t you. Remember that verse Paul wrote about God being strong when he’s weak? Isn’t that exactly what happened to you?”
And nothing is more true than that quick, short reminder.
That wasn’t me. At all. Because if it were up to my sinful human nature, I don’t even want to hear that person’s name or see their face let alone be friendly/polite/helpful towards them. I probably would even wish them the same inconvenience and pain that I have to endure because of them (since karma and all that, ya know).
This is His grace at work, His power is the only thing that’s happening here. It’s Him that enables me to not be vengeful, to have the right attitude of the heart when facing that person, and to refrain from turning bitter.
Yes, my mind is still a battlefield during the writing of this post but my heart is more at peace now for I know (and I’ve proven!) that He will help me even when I’m at my worst.
So allow me to boast about my weakness: I am far from perfect. I still do petty things. I still have problems letting go. I have more downs than ups, most of the time, and this isn’t my only weakness. I have plenty of other “case studies”. I’m a constant work in progress who’s no better than anyone else, who still struggles with the basic commandments in being a follower of Christ.
Thankfully, He is still full of grace despite my shortcomings. Therefore, I will try not to beat myself up too much for it and instead focus on improving, little by little, while I rely fully on His strength during my weakest moments. And like Paul, I hope that I can grow to see that this is a handicap disguised as a gift “so that I would not think that I am better than anyone else” or get a big head.
Are you, like me, struggling with seemingly trivial or basic weaknesses too? Maybe it’s time we stop the self-condemnation and start surrendering to God. In the words of Paul: “I just let Christ take over!” (verse 10), one little step at a time.