“People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.” – Proverbs 28:13 NLT
Those living (or lived) in Jakarta surely already know that the traffic in this city is one of the worst in the world. Not just because of the endless traffic jams, but because of the lack of rules and manner.
Most drivers either don’t have licenses or bought theirs without ever stepping foot in a driving lesson let alone an official driving test. So yeah, people here just drive however they like and want.
It’s common knowledge that you can be sitting in your car, completely still (whether stuck in traffic or simply waiting for the light to turn green), and still got hit.
I’ve experienced that. Twice.
The first time, I was minding my own business, yawning in my car while waiting for the light to turn green one morning, when a motorcycle appeared out of nowhere and and hit my left side-mirror with such speed that it bent the other way. Now my biggest issue isn’t the damage (it was minor) but the fact that now I can’t see the entire left side! That guy had literally put me in danger by adding a gigantic blindspot and instead of apologizing or fixing the mirror, he sped away.
I raced after him (I’m hotheaded that way, I’m sorry), cut him off and told him that he should apologize and take responsibility for his actions because not only was it the right thing to do, someone could seriously get hurt by what he did.
And then today, something similar happened again.
I was minding my own business, my car not moving because I was stuck in traffic, waiting for the cars in front and on my left to move or turn, when someone hit me from behind. The impact was so hard, it slammed my head back against the headrest. Now I know why people could get whiplash when they’re in a car accident and got hit from behind.
After muttering a low curse (hey, I’m only human), I opened my door and looked behind me, confronting the driver.
He wasn’t busy trying to get out of his car to make sure I was okay or check on the damage.
Nope. He took his time, just sitting in his car, staring at me. I stepped out and called him out yelling, and other drivers were of course honking at us because we were blocking the road, and only then did he come over.
Now if he had immediately apologized, admitted his dumb mistake and offered to help me pay for the damages, I would’ve gladly let him go with a stern warning and demanded nothing from him. I would’ve refused his money because my car’s insured and although it sucks to have to issue a claim, it doesn’t really cost me an arm and a leg.
But to my fury, he acted like it wasn’t a big deal! He apologized, said that he was “distracted” and then proceded to try to tell me that there was no damage.
It was raining and almost evening so I couldn’t really see the effect on my car, at first. I thought maybe there was indeed no damage. I almost believed him.
But then I took a better look (while he was trying to quickly make his escape by persuading me that it was all good), and saw a reasonably sized dent on the right bottom side of my trunk door. And my rear bumper was slightly dented and dislodged as well. I pointed the dent at him, furious because now I have to get my car repaired, and he denied that he caused that damage.
His car was black and mine is bright red and bits of black chipped paint were still stuck to the dent.
Again, it was raining. Hard. If that dent had been there before, then those paint bits would’ve come off a long time ago, washed away by the pouring rain. How stupid did he think I am? How obvious must the damage be for him to admit what he had done?
So yeah, I stood there in the rain and demanded for him to take responsibility. (I also pointed at the dislodged bumper and hit it back into place with my fist so he could see I wasn’t making things up and that there was real damage. God, please forgive this hothead ><“)
All urge to forgive and let go vanished the moment he (1) didn’t immediately own up to his mistake, (2) tried to distract me and lied about the damage he caused, and (3) gave me tons of excuses so that he wouldn’t have to pay up. He said he couldn’t afford it and that it wasn’t his car—when I asked for his boss’ or car owner’s contact to ask for their responsibility instead, the driver said he was scared he’d get scolded so he wouldn’t give it to me.
I told him that he was lucky that I was insured so the damage would only cost USD 22. He still insisted that he couldn’t afford it. After a long argument in the rain, he finally agreed to pay for some of it. I demanded USD 15 and he paid up.
Again, I may not be rich but it’s not the amount that matters to me. It’s his attitude. I wouldn’t have made him pay a single cent if he had a different attitude and didn’t try to make excuses for what he did.
Afterwards, I kept thinking about what Ps. Steven Furtick said: “God can’t heal what you hide”.
Maybe the reason we’re still stuck or not improving is because we’re still hiding things, making excuses instead of owning up and taking responsibility.
If a sinful, imperfect human like me was inclined to extend mercy to someone who did me wrong had he admitted it and was willing to take responsibility for it, what about our awesome Father? He already sent his Son to die on the cross for us and yet here we are, making excuses and hiding things we think He doesn’t know; because being open seems too “scary” or embarrasing. Or maybe we’re making excuses because we simply don’t want to suffer the consequences.
There will always be consequences, we will pay for our mistakes. But maybe we don’t have to pay it all. Maybe we only have to pay half of it, a third of it, a quarter of it… USD 15 out of USD 22. God is just and merciful, I believe that wholeheartedly.
Or even if we do have to pay for it in full, the peace, freedom and joy it would bring us for the rest of our days could be worth more than the price. Again, God is just and merciful. He knows what’s best, He knows how much we’re capable of.
Paying that price could change our future. Wait, let me rephrase that: it will change our future.
We just have to believe in Him, hope for the best, close our eyes and jump, sometimes. Regardless of the embarrassment or the consequences that come with confessing whatever it is we’re hiding, excuses will get us nowhere. They will just make things worse.
By the way, I was in the position of the wrongdoer once. I made a mistake and accidentally hit the car in front of me. I felt so bad that I immediately got out and profusely apologized to the man. I gave him my contact after I asked for his because I didn’t have cash with me to pay for the damages, and told him to let me know how much I would have to pay. I would pay for it all because it was my mistake.
He never contacted me afterwards. I tried to reach out to him a few weeks later, telling him who I am and asking about the cost of the repair, and he never replied.
Until now, I don’t know whether it was because he changed his number or phone, or because he just couldn’t care less (maybe it was minor to him)… but I know for sure that it was God’s doing. Maybe He told the man to forgive me. I guess I’ll never know.
Another thing I’m sure of is that this story would’ve definitely ended differently had I pretended to not be at fault and gave him excuses instead of being sincerely willing to admit my mistake and take responsibility for it.
So yes, I know how to be at the other end, and to receive mercy (despite also having my share of paying for my mistakes in full).
Let’s have more courage and faith in our awesome God, shall we? Stop making excuses, stop covering things and start confessing and letting in Him because His love and mercy are beyond our understanding. Let Him help and heal 🙂