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“But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.” – 1 Timothy 5:8 (NLT)

Today a friend of mine shared a story about her husband. Both of them are doctors and the husband was in a flight heading to the Netherlands when the crew announced that they needed a doctor. Apparently, there was an elderly passenger on board who required medical assistance.

My friend’s husband was the only doctor on board and he always carries with him a small device called an oximeter used to measure the oxygen levels in a person’s body. According to my friend—the doctor’s wife—despite being small and easy to use (slipped onto a finger), it’s not a common one to be carried around. Yet her husband has been carrying it with him for years and finally, this time, his persistence pays off. The passenger on that flight who only complained about feeling weak was apparently lacking oxygen. Thanks to the doctor’s tiny device, the crew knew what to do to help the passenger, supplying her with oxygen.

My friend told us that the first thing that came to her mind when she heard this story was, “Finally that device can come in handy after literally years of being carried around”.

She shared the story in our ministry group chat and one of my other friends aptly drew a conclusion from it: that sometimes, it’s not about the frequency but availability.

That got me thinking big time and I realize that it’s true: frequency is important but without availability, it’s pretty much useless.

Allow me to elaborate further using a few real examples from my own life.

I have a best friend and we’ve been friends for over 10 years. I think it’s safe to say that she’s the friend who’s managed to stick around the longest, and the one person whom I want to keep as my friend for many more years to come. She has witnessed some of my lowest moments and also some of my highest moments.

You’d think that as such, we’re constantly keeping in touch, texting each other or talking to each other at least once a day. Yet in reality, we can go days or even weeks without contact.

What kind of friendship is that?!

Well, first of all, I’m not the type who likes to be constantly “badgered” by questions—especially small talk like “What are you doing?” or “Where are you?” or “Have you eaten?” etc. She knows this so she’s wise enough not to that haha good on her.
Of course there were (rare) times when she texted me asking where I was or what I was doing but I don’t need her to do that every single day. Nope.

And vice versa, she doesn’t need me to do that constantly to her. We’re both mature enough to know that our bond is not determined by the frequency but by quality.

We can get together any time we want; and we do that. We like hanging out, I like spending time with her and her family, we can talk about everything and nothing—from silly, random stuff to serious, deep stuff—and whenever I need her, she’s always there for me. Likewise, if she needs me, I will rush to her side. We are always available for each other.

And that’s why we’re still going strong and why I trust her with my life.

I’m not saying that all friendships or relationships should be like this. Of course not! This pattern can be unhealthy for some relationships but for my particular friendship, this works.

Another example of why availability (not just frequency) matters.

I was once a small group leader at my church. I said “once” because I’ve resigned. Not something to be proud of and I fully realized all my mistakes but I made up my mind that I couldn’t do it anymore and that I didn’t want to be a fake or half-hearted leader.

Anyway, considering my personality, I was always so afraid and worried that I couldn’t care enough for my cell group members. They usually expect their leaders to be caring, always texting them and checking on their lives… I don’t even do that to my family or closest friends!

Now I’m a cell group member with a leader of my own and no, he doesn’t text me every day asking how I’m doing. But he does pay attention to all his members’ lives and will “pop up” when he senses that something’s amiss. He listens and he’s always there when we need to talk to him and that is one of the reasons why we love and respect him so much. He walks the talk. He’s available.

Back to the point of all this: frequency is important but without availability, it’s pretty much useless. And for certain people like me (or others whose main love language is quality time), it’s not even about the frequency. Availability matters more.

To become an impact and a blessing to others isn’t merely about how often we’re with them but whether we’re there when they need us most, whether we do what God wants us to do WHEN He wants us to do it.

We can go to church every Sunday, go to cell group every Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/Friday, always be the first to arrive for ministry and the last to leave… but when God says, “Hey, do this” or “Hey, help him/her”… what do we say?
Often, our response is: “Err… can You wait a moment, God? This one is tough. This is hard.” Or maybe we’ll use the same old excuses of being too busy, not having enough time, etc…anything to avoid the hassle and discomfort.

Being constant in something is good. Having frequency is good. But availability and obedience are important too. Even the bible is filled with people who became great, heroes even, simply because they chose to be available for God regardless of their fears and situations.

When it’s crunch time, when it matters most, are we available?
When someone needs us, are we available? When the person we call friend or best friend or family needs us, are we available?

1 Timothy 5 is filled with instructions for the early church to care for others and although—in verse 8—the words used are “relatives” and “household”, I believe this doesn’t refer to just our blood relatives or people living in the same house with us but also our fellow believers and people around us. After all, God wants us to love our neighbors, right? It’s one of the two great commandments.

Honestly, I fail a lot in this matter especially towards my family. How I grew up kinda shaped me into someone who sees family as discomfort, awkward and even a burden sometimes. Also, I’m a bit of a loner 🙂 I really treasure my “me time” and I’m very picky in deciding whom I’ll be spending time with. You can say that my availability for others is practically non existent most of the time, with very very few exceptions.

So this revelation hits me hard as well. I need to change. Not just towards my family but towards others as well. And yes, it will probably cause me some kind of discomfort but isn’t that a sign that God is shaping me? That I’m growing?

Another point I got from this doctor’s story is that being prepared always pays off. He’s been carrying that oximeter for years without putting it to use, even his wife said so. Had he chosen to stop carrying it around, he wouldn’t have been able to help that passenger as effectively. If he wasn’t prepared, the story might end differently.

It’s so important for us to be prepared, to live our lives righteously so that God can easily use us to help others, to bless others, anytime He wants.

This isn’t just spiritual talk but also real life talk—most importantly, financial talk.

There have been times when I see sudden needs from people and I’m always moved to witness those who are ready and willing to help at a moment’s notice, those who choose to obey God and spring into action without even thinking about credit or acknowledgment.

I wish I could do the same but there are times when I’m struggling to pay my own bills let alone bless others. (Just being totally honest here ^^; I am probably the worst financial manager you’ve ever seen).

As Christians, we always pray for blessings so that we can be a blessing for others as well. In fact, it’s a principle: we are blessed to be a blessing. Selflessness, not selfishness.

In order to be able to bless others in this world, we need to manage our funds well so that we have the capability, the availability, to do it.

It might look silly in other people’s eyes. They might think, “Look at him/her. S/he has so much and yet still living so frugally. That’s not enjoying life, is it?”
But there will be times when our sensible lifestyle can enable us to step up and be used by God at a moment’s notice, simply because we are more prepared and ready. And that doesn’t mean we’re not enjoying life. Spending like crazy does not equal enjoying life. Trust me, I know (LOL).

Oh it’s true, by the way, God can use anyone. It doesn’t have to be us, but how awesome and how great it would be if we’re the ones He uses.

So are we willing to be available? Can we be there and do it when God tells us to?
The moment might not come soon or often—like the doctor’s under-utilized oximeter—but it will come when we expect it least. You’ll never know 😉 Your decision to not buy that nth pair of shoes might be the answer to someone’s current problem.

Frequency is important but so is availability.

Let’s not let those wonderful opportunities slip away because we’re not ready, because we’re not available.

Have a nice day, everyone ^^