I’ll have what she’s having

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” – Philippians 2:3-4

 

No, it’s not about food (unfortunately). Though I am totally convinced that I am capable of eating a whole pizza pie in one go like Liz Lemon in the image above but let’s save that discussion for another time.

After receiving the lesson of comparison I wrote about in my previous post, God suddenly decided that I should put it into practice right away. He is so adorably funny that way, isn’t He?

I always thought that I was a secure person. I’m cool with what I have and how I am–I don’t get jealous of other people’s possessions, world-traveler-esque social media feeds, looks, talents or careers because it took (most of) them work, effort, blood, sweat and probably tears to get where they are. Some of those things might not even be real or their rightful possessions. Either way, I don’t envy the result because I don’t envy the process; I know my strengths and weaknesses.

In fact, I couldn’t even remember the last time I felt jealous towards someone. It’d been that long!

But all that changed when I saw someone doing something in her life that is exactly the thing that I want to be doing in my life; something that I love to do and been longing to do.

For the first time in a very, very long time, there was jealousy in my heart.

I felt a bit frustrated because I wasn’t in a situation where I could just say, “I’ll do that too!” then get up and go do it. It was out of my control and I had to stand at the sidelines, watching her.

Now getting over my jealousy is one thing and I was quite confident that I would be able to do it soon enough but then came the clincher. I wasn’t done being jealous when I found myself in a situation where I needed to be “Christian” about it and encourage her, support her, pray for her even applauding and complimenting her for a task well done afterwards (because yes, to her credit, it was very well done). Oh and doing it all sincerely too.

I whined. Hard.
“God, why?! This is so unfair! I can’t even have what she’s having and now I have to support and applaud her? Seriously?”

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud” – 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NLT)

“Hey, I’ll quit being jealous, God, I’ll get over that in a week or so. But do I really have to do the rest? Isn’t that like rubbing salt to my wound? Adding insult to injury?”

Then He asked, “What wound? What injury? Why are you hurt because she’s doing an awesome thing for Me and my people? What’s it to you?”

So I shut my mouth and got to thinking. Indeed, what’s it to me? Why am I feeling this way?

And then it hit me: I was acting like a brat because I felt like I was better than her (in some ways) but yet she was chosen. I wasn’t.
I was arrogant and boastful, exactly like in that verse. I compared myself to someone else in the worst possible way. I felt superior, I thought I was better and more deserving.

Ouch! Thanks for the revelation, God. (Not really)

We all know that God likes to select people who might look inferior in the eyes of their fellow humans and use them to represent Him (sometimes in the most miraculous ways). The Bible is filled with such stories.

He’s not fond of the proud, those whom He has equipped with great skills or talents but end up either (a) not having a heart that loves Him; or (b) being just full of themselves. The one famous example I can mention off the top of my head is Saul. He was IT! He was anointed! He was one handsome, young and tall dude… perfect to be King! But then He got power-crazy and disobeyed God.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” – Philippians 2:3-4

So maybe that’s why she was chosen, and not me. Because of her humility and her heart for God and His people. After all, that’s the end goal of everything we do, isn’t it? To glorify God and bless others, not showing people what we’re capable of and what we can do (aka selfish ambition or vain conceit).

It wasn’t easy, oh no. The flesh hurts when you’re doing the right, Godly thing and even as I prayed for her, supported her and congratulated her as sincerely as I possibly could, I still felt the reluctance and heard the voices telling me that it should’ve been me. Thank God for the Holy Spirit because without His constant reminder and encouragement, this would’ve been another battle lost.

And you know what? The most amazing thing happened after I decided to repent and open my heart. She turned out to be such a great blessing for me. I learned a lot from her.

By laying down my pride and acknowledging God’s will, I gained, I didn’t lose.

It turns out, this all happened for my benefit. Not only because I had to learn my lesson about jealousy and humility, but also because God wanted me to receive more–to equip me more. I just wasn’t expecting it to come from the person He chose.

What an awesome God we have. So full or surprises! This stubborn human is very grateful for His constant patience and guidance in her life.

God, if You’re willing, I’ll have what she’s having but at Your perfect timing. And not because I can do better, but simply to glorify You and bless others.

So when was the last time you got jealous of or annoyed at someone because you thought you were better and more deserving than them? 😉